3 HARSH (but necessary) Truths I’ve Learned in 3 months

3 months may not seem like a very long time but when you’re REAL LIFE “adulting” out here in these streets, 3 months can feel like 3 YEARS. November 9, 2017, that was exactly 3 months ago in which my life started to change, for the better. No, there’s not significance in that date, except it’s exactly 3 months ago. I just know it was the beginning of the END of an era that I’m not EVER going to miss. I’ve closed SEVERAL chapters in my life since then and in retrospect—there were no better choices I could make.

I’m not here to take up too much of your time today. So let me drop these 3 hot and harsh truths that life has curve balled me with:

  1. NO ONE WILL SUPPORT YOU, UNLESS YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF. 

Actually growing a nerve big enough to start a brand, cultivate a website, place myself in the spotlight to one day become a public influencer—-that took much longer than what some may think. As I’ve mentioned a few times before, Being VeeKay was birthed in 2015 but it took it a while to come to light. I knew what I wanted but I felt like no one cared or would understand. My best friend saw all this within me before it ever came into fruition. I slept on myself for so long it was second nature. He constantly reminded me of my snooze pattern and that I needed to make a move. Whenever we discussed our ‘future plans’, he made it his business to let me know that I was basically wasting time. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, I really just didn’t believe in myself like I knew I should. In turn, that made me feel like no one else did. Well, when I finally had my moment of awakening, I realized that the whole time I was missing a key component, FAITH. With each day, as I get busier with placing more and more focus into my brand, I finally understand that while I was waiting on someone to cheer me on, I should’ve been doing that for myself all the while. So now that I’m finally out of the sunken place, I still have moments where I feel a lack of support. However, I’m learning not to read too much into that for several reasons. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter anyway. Because I support ME! I recite mantras everyday to keep a reassuring voice in my mind. I make sure to stay spiritually inclined. I follow positive accounts on all of my social media handles; that’s to keep me up and feeling great about myself! So here’s the harsh truth: NO ONE CAN TRULY SUPPORT YOU IF YOU DON’T SUPPORT YOURSELF. No one can hold you up if you don’t try to stand on your own. Yes, people will be there to boost your morale but you must have an ESTABLISHED confidence in who you are and what you do. I mean really. A fan needs good reason to support you. Beyonce did not gather a BEYhive because she stood still. People are attracted to confidence.  So a little advice to whoever may need it, BE PROACTIVE IN BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. Build a confidence bank by depositing into yourself ev-e-ry-day!

2. NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. 

As I pinch the space between my eyes while contemplating this, I’m nothing short of disappointed in myself for taking this long to truly grasp this. I found myself in a few situations here lately where I found myself apologizing when I truly felt I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was all to keep peace. Was the peace kept? Nah. Not really. As an adult, I absolutely have no issues with owning my own shit. NO PROBLEMS with that. However, in my experience, most adults DO have an issue with that. I’ve never understood why people choose their egos over being practical in fixing a conflict. I’m not sure if pride is the culprit or if some people really are in that dire of a need to be seen as a non-conforming, straight up-n-down, I don’t care one way or the other individual.  People like that, in my opinion, probably shouldn’t have too many interactions with anyone. Anyway, I said all that to say that I’m never apologizing or feeling bad for others’ who are Ray Charles to their own bad choices or behaviors ever again. I’m not a psychologist, I’ll never try to pretend to be or become one. What I do know is that most grown-ups are only children in adult bodies — including myself. The difference between others and myself, though, is that I would rather choose to be the child of peace. Something like a lil’ Hey Arnold. But I’m also no fool. So moving on!

3. NO ONE CARES.

I didn’t mean to sound so grouchy lol. But this is one of those hard, adult lessons everyone learns sooner or later. Yes, there are a select few in your lifetime who will care about you and your livelihood. However, there’s more people who won’t. Now, I grasped this by observing and living through the bs that’s gone down in a former place of employment. Y’all, I’m not the first it’s happened to, but it happens all the time, too much of the time. BUDGET CUTS, LAYOFFS, POOR TREATMENT IN THE WORKPLACE…These are just examples of how a person can quickly become a pawn; a pawn in someone else’s game. Look at the judicial system. It’s horrible. Several scenarios come to mind when thinking of how this world DOESN’T  care about one another as much as it should. (BIG SIGH)

 

(BIG ASS SIGH)

 

That’s another post for another day. And even though we live in a world where people would rather not care for other people, spread love anyway. If more people practiced the medicine of love, there wouldn’t be so much evil poisoning and killing off souls!

 

Hopefully you all got something from my harsh realizations. May not be so shocking or harsh to some of you but that was definitely the experience for your girl. SO! LIKE, SHARE, AND PLEASE COMMENT. TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKED, HATED, OR SOME OF YOUR OWN HARSH TRUTHS IN THE PAST 3 MONTHS OR 3 YEARS IF YOU’D LIKE 🙂 Come back on Vee-Day, I mean Valentine’s day, for a special treat! Thanks for reading!

 

#LoveVeeKay

 

5 Things Rihanna Taught Me

ROBYN “RIHANNA” FENTY.

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Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”.  As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.

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Here are some of her accomplishments:

  • 9 Grammys
  • 12 Billboard Music Awards
  • 12 American Music Awards
  • 8 People’s Choice Awards
  • Icon Award (2013)
  • Fashion Icon Award (2014)
  • Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)
  • Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)
  • Over 10 million albums sold in the US
  • Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million
  • the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold
  • 3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY
  • Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna
  • Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on. 

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After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me.  Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.

I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:

TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me.  I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how I would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to  wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.

In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…

TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.

“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.” 

“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”

“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”

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A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.

Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..

LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

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“I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”

Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.

Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…

TO GO HARD.

That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.

FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY.  That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day.  Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.

Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…

COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.

You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.

Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether we were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!

Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”

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I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.

Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,

#LoveVeeKay.