Hello all! I created this video in hopes of shedding some light going into the new year! These are just some of my personal reflections that I’ve taken to heart and will continue to live and learn by! I hope this country gal helps someone out there with the gems I decided to share!
Lately I’ve been hooked on the show “Once Upon A Time”. I’ve been binge watching it on Netflix for the past 3 weeks and I absolutely LOVE the whole idea of it. The show takes a collection of fairy tales and stories that most of us are familiar with from childhood and applies a “real life” plot twist by giving the characters additions to their stories. They do so by applying realistic settings offering believable explanations as to why things happened in the stories the way they did. Watching this has given me the idea to write this piece because seeing those fairy tales depicted in that way reminds me that we are living out our own stories and while we can’t be our own authors, we can still attempt to live out our dreams with a little faith.
I know it may seem childish but at age 29 I am still very much infatuated with fictitious stories. Maybe I get so caught up because fiction is written by real people with real problems but their stories are symbols of real dreams and faith that dreams can come true.
As I watch this show, I recollect how I would read the many story books my mom bought me as a child. Not only did I own the story books, but you’d better believe my “puffy-case” VHS collection of Disney and other fairytales was stacked and packed inside the old school entertainment center. It warms my heart whenever I think of the innocent enjoyment I got from watching those movies and reading those books. Although I didn’t know it then, I have always been a creative soul. With every blink of princess gowns and magical wands, my imagination grew: and so did my expectations for my future.
Fairy tales taught me that being imaginative also meant being optimistic. Being imaginative led me into so many realms of dreaming: day dreaming, night dreaming, dreaming on paper, dreaming with paint, and last but not least, dreaming with words. I would dream and to fulfill the Capricorn in me, I’d plan. I’d plan and dream. Dream and plan. I still do! I dreamt of my prom dress and just about every detail imaginable about my prom night. Then, I planned it. I planned how my date would be, what he’d take me to prom in, and I even planned his “prom proposal”. LOL! After dreaming those things, I’d even draw them. I kinda did the same for my career (which changed about 500 times over the course of my lifetime), future home, future family, future wedding, and etc. Dreaming and planning gives me a sense of fulfillment. Above feeling fulfilled, it’s just relieving to mentally escape and let belief take over the heart. Without a doubt I concur that believing delivers us daily from what seems like nightmares. Belief ties us over until we get to “happily ever after.” Without belief and some optimism, we’ll never get that “happily ever after” ending.
While my former self was imaginative and optimistic, growing up has offered me a reversal of those qualities that I have to fight off everyday: realism and pessimism. While I don’t believe in necessarily fighting off realism, I know that I must keep it in balance. Naturally, growing older means changing your perception all the time. You soon learn that there is no fairy dust, no horse and carriage, no happily-ever-after, no prince waiting for you with a promise to love you forever in that moment right after you triumph over one of life’s dragons. While I believe that these things are still very much possible for any woman like myself, I have also come to terms with the fact that fantasy and imagination can only take you so far
!I believe I have a soulmate out there somewhere, but I also believe that there is no such thing as “THE ONE.” I’ve dated some guys who I feel will always hold their own special places within me. There are several people in my life including some little ones, my deceased grandmothers, and my best friends who I also feel each have their own special places that no one could ever override. No matter who comes in and claims their share of my heart, as big as it is, they will never be able to fill those spots. There will always be rooms inside that red chamber in our chest that only certain people can live in. The only “The One” I can imagine of ever having in my life is GOD. He’s the only whole being that could encompass this whole heart of mine. He’s my true “prince charming”, “THE ONE”, my all–in-all.
Then there’s all those other “tiny” things in life. There’s those things that aren’t really supposed to matter but they do, you know, the details.. Details make EVERYTHING complicated. Even though they’re only supposed to be the supporting facts, when details don’t measure up to the emotions we feel, that’s when the true conflict begins. My details look like this:
29, single, no kids
family oriented with a family that is not so much
damaged, but I still work
I live an isolated life, both physically and mentally
still figuring things out
Those are some of my details. What’s so conflicting about that? Well, there’s the fact that I don’t want to be single. I want children and a strong family unit, badly. I want to build something I feel I didn’t or don’t have. My family is great in their own way but I want to develop a closeness I’ve never had with my own bloodline, sharing traditions and making memories in new and exciting ways. I don’t want to be damaged, but I am. I’m confused and bent (not broken) by some of my life experiences. While I do enjoy my fair share of peace, my life can be way too quiet sometimes and that bothers me. I do tire of spending time alone and I have the tendency to not share my thoughts much, only because I don’t feel my truth will always be received well. Lastly, at 29, I’m still figuring EVERYTHING out. Most day’s I feel like I’m sitting at a desk with a 1,000 piece puzzle and I only have about a 4th of it pieced together, if that much lol.
MY details don’t look ANYTHING like I’ve dreamed or planned. They never do, but I’ve grown to be okay with that! I do have to work daily to not feel down about that but I have acquired a growing faith and I still have my imagination and my fantasies to keep me going! Being a black woman on her own has proven to be difficult every waking day. Every day there’s a battle I have to face alone. Sometimes that battle is as minor as having to check my tire pressure on my car lol. When things go wrong that involve a man I have to figure out who I’ll call and what to do about it. That in itself can momentarily strip me of happiness because it’s a reminder that my details still don’t match my dream or my fantasy. It sounds crazy but this is my learning experience!
The older I get I’m drawing more strength and more faith from my struggles and that is what life is about. I believe we are given the dreams and the fantasies, but we are given the struggles to match because nothing is handed to us and there is no value in things that you don’t have to work for. Who wants to be granted with things that won’t be appreciated? I’m thankful that I grew up wide-eyed and bushy tailed, believing I am a princess with a prince and castle waiting for me because I have the faith that it’s still going to happen and when it does, it won’t easily be broken by “the details”. I’m happy that stories reinforced the notion that the only weapon I need is belief and I can slay any dragon that steps in my way. I’ve done that and will continue to do so! I can honestly say that while I don’t enjoy every moment of my “right now”, I do take the time to appreciate and enjoy the enchantment that does come along in the season that I’m in! I don’t need fairies, ballgowns, or a prince to help me understand how blessed I am..
I’m a realist, but I have faith. And I still dream. And I always will.
While this post is simply just a “touch-and-agree” piece for us ladies, it’s more of an informational for the guys. Don’t worry ladies, I won’t give away too much free game, but I believe this post will benefit both men and women respectively.
If you’ve been anywhere near a radio these last 7-8 months I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the cute but not-too-cute-for-a-guy-not-to-bop-to R&B single “Boo’d Up” by Ella Mai. The song’s melody is so comfortable that it provides that same feeling you get while listening to the best of old school R&B music. Though it’s nature is captivating in a “feel-good” sense, the lyrics are highly transparent and easily identifiable as a woman who has fallen in love in today’s time.
If you listen closely, Ella’s actually painting a picture of a woman’s point of view while in love. While women experience some of the best feelings while attached to another soul, we also experience some of the very worst. This is where everything gets confusing: those negative feelings normally have NOTHING to do with the actual actions of her man/partner, but the lack of knowing or understanding how most women are ‘wired’.
Let’s start the discussion by analyzing the lyrics, shall we?
Boo’d Up: Why Love Brings Out Both the Best and Worst in Women:
Feelings, so deep in my feelings No, this ain’t really like me Can’t control my anxiety Feeling, like I’m touching the ceiling When I’m with you I can’t breathe Boy, you do something to me
Ooh, now I’ll never get over you until I find something new That get me high like you do, yeah yeah
Ooh, now I’ll never get over you until I find something new That get me high like you do, yeah yeah
Yes, The first 4 lines are ALL TRUTH when a woman finds herself in love, darling. Facts or Nah?
The Best: When we’re deep in our feelings, usually everyone wins. There are no limits to what a woman would do for those that she loves. Not only that, it provides us with a sense of accomplishment and worth (in a sense). Though the modern day woman is completely viable in independency, there’s no woman alive who denies that the feeling of being wanted is unmatched.
The Worst: Relationship anxiety is definitely a ‘thing’ and it’s a quick, not-so-silent killer of a relationship as well. Let’s be honest, the way that dating is set up, women are not in favor here. THAT’S A FACT. Several facts support that statement but I simply do not have the time to dive into them. Just know that most women spend a considerable amount of time as “damaged goods” due to past relationships. When anxiety begins to present itself, the possibility of causes are endless, but I’m willing to bet there are 2 reasons that may be a bit more popular. One, she sees a pattern or her relationship problems starting to repeat themselves. That alone gives us reason to panic. We want things to be right this time and cannot bear the thought of going through yet another saga like we experienced with Tony 2 years ago. By this time, the new man is getting annoyed and starts to pull back which brings out anxiety cause #2, fear of him losing interest. Both of these cause us women to come off kinda strong but because men don’t readily understand, don’t have the patience to, or a bit of both, the fall back game begins.
And NO, we WILL NOT GET OVER YOU UNTIL WE FIND SOMETHING NEW! Being in love is something women are REALLY GOOD AT. It’s also something that women crave. Blame our nature! I’m inclined to believe that God gave women two hearts: one to beat for everyone else and another one for everyone else. And yes, you read that correctly, most of us are nurturing and selfless individuals by default. Considering this, when a woman loses a love, it’s like losing a piece of herself (not that this piece isn’t repairable ya’ understand). Love is something we invest a lot of time and energy into. Speaking for myself, I’m very intense and passionate in my affairs *ahem* so I often put as much thought into my romantic life as I do my work life. Maybe the fact that I’m a capricorn doesn’t help that much but hey that’s what I’m working with. Anywho, the feeling of being unemployed can somehow be equated to that of a woman’s broken heart. Just as a man loses his sense of purpose as he can’t financially provide when unemployed, a woman loses her sense of purpose to another human being that she once placed a large amount of emotional value into. That’s really tough, man! That’s why we go out searching for something to keep our minds off it by indulging in daring, new hair-dos, clubs we normally wouldn’t step foot in, and any other off-the-wall act of trying to redeem our esteem! Sometimes the rebellion doesn’t stop there, it can even include dating a new guy well before time of healthy emotional repair…..*cough*
See?! Boo’d up is the perfect resource to analyze and open up the conversation of both the good and bad elements that flow from a woman’s love space. (Hope that didn’t sound too vulgar!)
Be sure to Look out for Verse 2 (pt.2)!
So what do yall think? Am I off to a good start? Do you think this could be used to help our guys at all? Facts or nah? Did I miss anything?
LET ME KNOW!!!!
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As a chronic sufferer of anxiety, many symptoms have come and gone while some remain annoyingly constant. While anxiety is totally manageable, it does take some time to learn just how to do so.
There are times in which I can literally feel my anxiety rising to higher levels. During those moments, I usually visualize a mental thermometer of some sort, starting from the bottom and quickly rising to the red-marked top.
When you find yourself constantly bumping heads with anxiety spells, this is when you should begin taking inventory of factors that may aid in your triggers like:
The type of people who you may be conversing with or around
Work you may be doing
Food you’re eating or have eaten (although this is internal, you have a choice in keeping the wrong foods EXTERNAL!)
Conflict of some sort
These are important to take in account for because recognizing your external sources gives you a better understanding of how to fix the internal problem: the anxiety.
As I began to understand the monster in anxiety that I was dealing with, I began to learn where it most often stems from. I found that I experience more anxiety symptoms when engaging with other people i.e. family members, people associated with work, and romantic interests. While this is kind of embarrassing to share, I want to be honest and show just how easy it is to be plagued by this disorder. YOU MUST BE FULLY AWARE OF HOW YOU CONDUCT YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE IF YOU WANT TO CONTROL IT. It is your everyday routines that hold the key to managing this devil.
There’s nothing fun about going through this but I’m excited to share good news with you, it can be controlled! I have 3 tips to share with you that have helped me overcome a moment of anxiety. Please do not misunderstand my tips for proven methods that will work for everyone. These things DO work for me and I’m sure they may help others but please do not fail to seek medical attention or other sources for remedies that may be more beneficial for you.
So here we go, 3 Ways to Overcome a Moment of Anxiety:
1. BREATHE DEEPLY. Several times if you must. Deep breathing regulates your heart beat and relaxes your muscles and relaxed muscles mean a more at-ease, YOU. Research has shown that deep breathing exercises contribute to better functioning bodily processes that aid in reducing anxiety. While there are many deep breathing methods that could help, I’ve stuck to the age old ‘inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth’ and it works just fine for me. I can usually feel the difference in my body right away. Go ahead, try it! Inhale through your nose allowing your lower, then upper lungs to fill, hold it for 3 seconds, then release through your mouth, keeping your jaws in a relaxed state. Ready? Inhale. . . . . HOLD IT! (count to three) Exhale. . . . . Do it a few times and see how much better you feel!
2.FOCUS ON ONE POSITIVE THOUGHT & RECITE IT ALOUD OR MENTALLY. Thinking of something other than what’s upsetting you is a great way to decrease the discomfort of an attack. The last thing you should do is obsess over whatever factor that led you to this moment in the first place. Whenever I’m in the midst of an attack, I think of something that counter attacks my situation at hand. If my computer just crashed in the middle of this article knowing I hadn’t saved a single word, I am not going to keep reminding myself that I may never regain this information. Instead, I am going to concentrate on a positive possibility like “This is no big deal. If I can write an article about this once, I can write about it twice.” You see how I took a negative situation and made it more comfortable to deal with simply by changing my perspective? Recite your positive thought out loud or let it resound repetitively in your mind until you feel as if you’re more in control of your conflict and can handle it in a healthy manner. Insert positive thoughts here->>>>
3. REMAIN CALM. While this seems simple, it’s something we often forget to do when dealing with a highly stressful moment. You’ve already gotten worked up by your situation so treating it with a temper or paranoia is simply not going to help. While you’re grounding yourself, remember to stay calm. Do not allow yourself to experience negative emotions over and over again, it will only make matters worse. At this point, centering yourself in a calm demeanor is the best way to go!
While these tips are all beneficial in a moment of anxiety, please be mindful of your health condition and seek medical attention if you feel that self-conducted tools are just not enough. YOUR HEALTH IS A PRIORITY AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PLACE YOURSELF FIRST!
If you need, I’ve given great advice on how to self-prioritize and place yourself first. Get the full scoop HERE.
Also, don’t forget to sign up for my mailing list so you can download your first free resource and it’s ALL ABOUT YOU!
This topic is relatively important to me because I am oh-so-GUILTY of not exercising self-care as often as I should. Coming from a “bad & busy” chick, I’ve learned that keeping MYSELF on top of my ‘to-do’ list is essential to even get around to tackling anything else on that list! So without wasting much more time, let’s dive in shall we?
Obviously, we know what self-prioritization is, but my own definition is ‘taking a piece of yourself for yourself and applying it to YOURSELF! Just think about it– you serve pieces of yourself to other people and external places all the time! If you’re anything like me, you want to do your absolute best in everything you’re involved in! Let’s face it, the average woman in 2018 feels as if she can do it all; while I agree with that notion, we’re often guilty of neglecting ourselves in that realm. Moms, “GLOW-getters”, trendsetters, career women, students, breadwinners, community activists, etc…you ladies are doing it ALL and it can be overwhelming. Just as we learn to create magic in our daily lives, we must learn to pour some of that magic into our own bodies and souls.
Ok, so what’s the deal? Why is it so important?
Our everyday routines can be demanding. Falling into the trap of “I have to get this done” often chips away at the time we spend for ourselves, especially if we do not make the time.
2 words might scare you straight into prioritizing yourself: STRESS & BURNOUT.
Personally, I’ve experienced full-on stress and was on the verge of BURNOUT and it was NOT pretty.
Stress VS. Burnout
Stress is the precursor to Burnout as burnout is a gradual process. It arrives after ignoring your own needs/wants for so long. Several factors add to accumulating stress. Some of those things are:
Consistent high pressure situations
Overly demanding jobs
Working too much without creating BALANCE* (social life, “me time”, etc.)
Taking on too many projects/responsibilities
Lack of sleep
Poor eating habits
Do any of these strike you as familiar? Don’t worry, Sis. I’ve been there.
I’ve created a chart to help you identify what you may experience if you haven’t been “pouring into your own cup”:
Doing too much
Barely doing anything
Highly emotional, On edge
Not emotional enough, dull, not feeling anything
Feelings of urgency
Loss of energy
Loss of motivation and drive
May experience anxiety as a result
May experience depression as a result
Tears your physical body down first
Tackles your emotions
As if those aren’t enough to wake you up, did you know that your personality type could have alot to do with the way your body processes stress?
Just think about it… If you’re Type A, a perfectionist, pretty anal about EVERYTHING, you may experience stress quicker than someone who is Type B.
Sheesh, that’s so much to consider when you can avoid all these things by considering YOURSELF.
How do I prevent stress and burnout?
There’s a commonly known metaphor that I sorta mentioned earlier in this post. It’s called “Filling Your Cup”. Imagine your body being the cup. Of course, there are several places that you must pour yourself into. Your job needs a drink, your kids need a drink, your significant other needs a drink… so many places you have to pour some piping-hot, ice-cold, or lukewarm “YOU” into! So what happens when you consistently pour into everyone else’s cup without refilling your own? YOU RUN OUTTA JUICE!
The answer is simple: You must take the responsibility to make time to fill your cup, feed your soul, and nourish your body!
What can I do to break the cycle?
PLAN AHEAD. Take out your ‘Notes’ app, a pen and paper, or whatever you use to brainstorm. List your daily schedule by each day or if there are only a couple days out of the week that aren’t the same, list the repetitive schedule and then the differing days only. Look for spaces where you could delete “busy” tasks and insert yourself.
GO GHOST. Start spending at least 15 minutes to yourself in those available slots and work your way up to at least 30 minutes a day.
KEEP GOING. This is important, so treat it as such. Be consistent in treating yourself as a high-priority!
CONSIDER MAKING A LIFESTYLE CHANGE. Just being real, a healthier lifestyle will alleviate most of our problems! Try implementing healthier meals, more exercise, and adequate sleep every day.
In order to keep that beautiful GLOW, you’ve got work to do!
BONUS: I have a FREEdownload that will help mold you into ALWAYS placing yourself somewhere at the top of your to do list! I provided the link for you below! Don’t miss out on this productive freebie!
Click HERE to get started 🙂
Because the “old me” needed to grow. Because the “old me” needed to go. Because you honestly did not respect her and now you don’t like her because she respects herself without waiting for someone else to. Because she realized that her heart is not to be given freely. Because she realized that her armor was missing. Because she realized that no one fought for her, so she started fighting for herself. Because she was counted out before she could get in. Because the bad news was always true. Because her friends didn’t know if they really wanted to be her enemies. Because she always saw things for how she wanted to see them, through rose colored glasses. Because when she finally woke up from a 20++ year nap, she realized she deserved more. Because no one realizes how much you give until you stop giving…She was not happy. She needed to break free. She needed to feel alive and not feel suffocated by the very people who she thought gave her air. She needed to break away. Do her. Be her. Without judgement. Without disrespect. Without backstabbing. Without noise. Without neglect. Without feeling alone in a room full. Without feeling like no one cared to reciprocate the love, support, and respect she holds for those who are near and dear. This girl, me.. This woman, me… needed a change. Seasons change and so do people. In this season, I choose me, Without guilt.
Dear People I USED to know,
I am grateful for the length of time we got to share together. I’m pretty sure there was one point in time I thought we’d be in each other’s lives forever. Even though that didn’t happen and our friendship or relationship came to an end, I deeply feel as if our ‘once upon a time’ connection was not in vain. I can happily reflect on good moments we shared and seasons we endured. Each one of you played an essential role in my life, whether my feelings were considered in the process or not. You taught me to end the vicious cycle I allowed to run rampant in my life: allowing potential, almost, maybe, and the dreadful ‘okay’ to be a constant in my circle. See, I firmly believe that evidence of imperfection in the human race lies in the way we treat others. The poor decisions you made revealed to me a new, clear vision. In that vision, I saw myself living a life of being half-loved and half-respected, not only by you, but by everyone else around me as well. Did I really believe that vision was capable of coming true? Yes. I believed it was well on its way to happening because I also saw in that vision the lifetime of poor decision-making skills I would be making if I continued to allow half-ass anything resound in my relationships. Because of you all, Half-Assed is my WORST enemy. Half-ass love, half-ass respect, half-ass consideration…I’m no longer accepting. So thank you for making ME better.
Although I despise your actions and characteristics, I’ve learned to admire them and practice them in my own life. For every negative trait of yours that I had to experience, I adopted those same traits, except I used them to improve myself. When you demonstrated selfishness, you did so in a way that denied myself and those around of you of something that we needed from you. I’m sure what I wanted is probably the very things I gave you: Love, kindness, time, patience, Unlike you, I used selfishness to fuel myself. It took me some time to realize that in order to give my best to others I had to do the same for myself first. I learned that I needed to be selfish to give unselfishly. That I needed to pour into my own cup before I could share the drink. I finally learned that I couldn’t give anything I didn’t have. That is when I became selfish. Remember how firm you stood in being wrong? Even when you knew you were wrong? I learned to stand just as firm as you, only when I know it’s right. I knew I needed to start sticking by decisions that would ultimately lead to something good for myself and those around me. Remember how prideful you were? How you couldn’t say ‘sorry’ and move forward in a positive manner, just to save our relationship? That’ll never be. There’s no way I could adopt that.
Once again, I could use this very moment to express my disdain for you in several ways. I could tell you why I dislike you. I could tell you where to go and how fast I hope you get there. But I won’t. Not because I’m afraid. Not because I can’t face the consequences of being transparent. But because I love you. That’s right. I love you. The thing about unconditional love is that it NEVER CHANGES no matter how much we as people do. Love is a choice. It knows no physical face and it knows no face of wrong doing. LOVE conquers ALL. All flaws. So when I love, I love for real. I know you’ve heard that one before, but It’s true. It’s not a word I use lightly. If I say it, I mean it with every fiber of my being. And if I feel it, so will you because without a shadow of a doubt, I’m going to show you. But here we are, feeling the effects of this open letter. You know that saying that goes something like “If we ain’t cool no more then you messed that up?” That’s how I feel. Say what you want, but that’s my truth. My supporting evidence is this: I am very selective of the people I coexist with. It’s not because I think I’m better than anyone, but it’s simply because I’ve never needed a large standing of people to call my “clique” or my “crew”. It’s also because I’ve never been interested in sharing my time with every person that crosses my path. When I make a true connection with someone, when I select them to be apart of my life, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure they stay there, UNLESS i’m forced to go into a separate direction. Like I’ve done with you all. I’ve apologized to you if you made it known I had fallen short or stepped out of line. I’ve apologized because I may have been wrong about something. I’ve even apologized, maybe, when I wasn’t even supposed to or didn’t fully understand where I may have wronged you. But If I want you in my life, I’m willing to do all the above. But since you’re not here anymore, it’s because you abused that privilege. Maybe you thought me bending to your will was a sign of weakness. Maybe you really didn’t want to stick around anymore. Maybe you just hadn’t realized the error of your own ways. Maybe you’re pride is bigger than all of outside. Whatever the reasons may have been for your less than loving behavior, I forgive you. Not only do I forgive you, I thank you. More than anything, I thank you.
For every tear I ever shed over a phone call I never received, one that you could have honored me with, to at least show decency in saying “Hey, I forgot,” I thank you. For every time I’ve had to question your loyalty, I thank you. For every time you lied to me with narrow eyes and bullshit lies, I thank you. For belittling me out of disagreement or difference of opinion, I thank you. For every time you stood me up, I thank you. For every time you allowed me to go out my way with no intent of ever returning the favor (if needed), I thank you. For every time you called me out my name, I thank you. For the time you physically shook me until I could do nothing but grasp my breath and run out of the house, I thank you. For making me feel bad about being who I am, I thank you. For treating me like an option, I thank you. For never listening, I thank you. For not taking interest in who I am and what I love, I thank you. For making what could have been good memories on special days bad memories, I thank you. For assuming you know what’s best for me without actually considering who I am, I thank you. Thank you for turning up your nose at the thought of me doing something to make myself happy. For judging the way I conduct myself with you without judging your actions that may have led me to be that way, I thank you. For leaving me heartbroken, I thank you. For isolating me when I needed you most, I thank you. For carrying on as my enemy when we were supposed to be friends, I thank you. For playing me like a fiddle, I thank you. For constantly making me out to be the total opposite of who I was to you, I thank you. I thank you for every less than loving thing you’ve ever done. Whether they were done with intent or without care, I still thank you. I thank you because you showed me what’s not acceptable. You showed me that I deserve more for myself. Thank you for teaching me the worst so that I may truly appreciate what’s better. Thank you for showing me the complete opposite of what true love is. Thank you for giving me a different perspective. You gave me perspective that doesn’t bind my thinking into believing I HAVE TO deal with anyone who doesn’t reciprocate the same vibes as I share. I know what real, true, loving, and positive energy is now. Thank you because the people I USED to know will never again become the people I know. Ever again.
P.S. “You almost buried me, but I realized I was a seed.” Metro Booming, VeeKay Blooming.
I think I can speak for all women when I say that some things are just better in abundance. Some of those things may be looked down upon but guess what? They make us feel good! I’ve compiled a list of things that women love but get a LOT of heat about. ESPECIALLY from our male counterparts *rolls eyes*. As a millennial woman, I know first-hand how stressful life can be. That is why we need our little trinkets-of-happiness to keep us going! These harmless things help us get by from day -to-day so that we can continue to perform our magic, amazingness in our careers, homes, and communities. Check out 5 things women should feel NO KINDA WAY about having/doing/using:
BINGE WATCHING TV (& reality shows). Yes. We love to binge watch our shows when time permits. I mean why not? We spend SO much time concentrating on our lives and everyone we take care of that we deserve to set aside some time to senselessly watch senseless tv! Everyone deserves a mental break right? Reality t.v. may not be the first choice in most households due to their brazen nature. They’re often looked down upon because of the massive drama they capture. America often perceives it even more negatively due to the way it depicts women, and in my community, women of color. Although it has several cons, reality shows serve women a bunch of pros! Optimistically, reality tv is so full of drama that it provides a good escape from your OWN drama! Do we like the fact that today’s entertainment stems from someone else’s life which is so full of unpleasantries that they compile a stream of edited moments to astound millions of viewers and profit millions a year on their most private moments ? I’m gonna say no. But do we enjoy watching those unpleasantries just for a good laugh or an escape from our own drama? Yes! A thousand times, yes.
LEGGINGS & TIGHTS. “Oh comfort! Ohh comfort! Ohhhh…COMFORT!” What you just read is an accurate representation of how our butts, hips, and thighs appreciate these cotton, spandex, poly blend, ‘whatever they’re made of’ garments. Guys tend to roast and rag on us for wearing these with literally everything. I mean, if we can dress those leggings for whatever occasion we need them for, then WHY NOT WEAR THEM?! What guys fail to admit, though, they appreciate the visuals just as much as we appreciate the comfort. We deal with enough discomfort on a daily basis if I must say so myself. Bras, heels, sexy-but-sometimes-problematic lingerie, and the list only continues with more annoying pieces we wear to appease men and simply look-to-feel good. So when we find a beautiful solution such as this one, one that gives us the luxury of both looking and feeling like we’re living our best lives, we’re taking it! Joke on us all you want guys but we are ALL WonderWomen in our comfy af tights bro.
HOT ASS WATER LOL. Lately I’ve been noticing a growing trend in online jokes/memes about how hot we like our water. Listen, all I can say is, “The hotter the better!” We know how to get TINGS clean! ‘Tings’ being clothes, dishes, body parts, etc. Lol. I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s so funny how guys can’t handle our hot ass water. Really quick funny story. The water at my apartment gets super hot dangerously fast. Me being the AMAZING girlfriend I can be, I would sometimes run the water for my ex’s shower after work or after a nap (so he was always tired when I did this lmao). Anyway, he would react like a little girl every time he stepped inside! That last time he got so pissed with me that I couldn’t do anything but rear my head back really far and BURST OUT IN LAUGHTER! He was such a fairy! Moving on, literally..
MAKE-UP. YES! WE LIKE TO *BEAT* OUR FACES! SO WHAT! Although I believe makeup should be perceived only as a tool to enhance beauty and not as a device to create it, I love the stuff. I don’t see a thing wrong with wearing make-up because I’m pro-choice and I believe if choosing to wear makeup makes you happy, go for it! I know I do! It gives me a glamorous glow on top of my glamorous glow! That’s what I like about it! Although I’m pro makeup, I can understand the adverse conception of wearing makeup. Most times, people express their dislike for makeup to declare that as an active standard in those they are willing to date. In other words, they’re not attracted to women who wear makeup. I can’t judge them too badly for this. Just think about it. It’s hard to date someone who may feel as if without their makeup, they’re not beautiful. Normally, either they don’t point this out about themselves or they don’t even recognize it. Either way, the insecurities seep out in a number of ways that the person of interest can’t help but to see it unfold. Not to mention, never truly getting to know what they look like. It’s difficult to see anyone that broken by their own beliefs of beauty. I pray that’s not you but if it is I have infinite hope that one day you’ll see that makeup can’t fix what God already put his paintbrush on! Makeup is just like a pair of earrings, a handbag, a bracelet, IT’S AN ACCESSORY ONLY! YOU are the face of beauty, already. One time for NYX, MAC, MORPHE, URBAN DECAY, COLOUR POP, MAKE-UP FOREVER, SEPHORA, FENTY BEAUTY, etc! We don’t feel an ounce of guilt about it. Gorgeous women like to dabble in pretty things, but smart women know we don’t need to dabble in pretty things to be gorgeous!
ONLINE SHOPPING. Like most women, I SWEAR by online shopping. I once saw a meme that compared online shopping for women to men playing those gaming consoles lol. I totally agree! Online shopping is not only therapeutic, but it’s easy and breezy and we can do it in our pjs and we ain’t gotta leave home and it’s just so convenient for all the right reasons! This may be my BIGGEST guilty pleasure and I’ll never give it up because I hate everything about mall and store shopping! All it takes is a search bar and a click of a button and I’m all set 🙂 I wear my Amazon Prime membership PROUDLY. I’ve ordered things I could’ve simply gone to the store for but why? I have FREE 2-DAY SHIPPING. Sometimes even same day I think. Can’t beat that. And when it comes to shopping for clothes, unlike the mall, the internet never lets me down. So do I feel bad that I prefer to shop using the click of a button? Nope! I’m Judy Jetson! Why should I?
Ladies, I hope I nailed these guilty pleasures for y’all! There were some I failed to mention but I wanted to keep the list short to give you all the opportunity to choose the next five!!! Can you relate? Are some of these your guilty pleasures? Tell me if they are! If not, what are they? What did I miss to mention? Let me know!
Thank you for reading! I hope this put a smile on your face and made you feel a little better if you’re not already feeling GREAT! Come back later in the week for more good content! Until next time!
Whether you’re cuddling up next to your bae or doing everything in your power to forget that you may not have one, don’t trip, I GOT YOU!
Before I drop the deets (details), I want to encourage everyone to love themselves IMMENSELY regardless of what day it is. And since Valentine’s happens to be the day that society has proclaimed as ‘the day of love’, I challenge everyone reading this to DARE to love yourselves by doing something extra dope for YOU. If you don’t have someone to make you smile and vice versa, you always have yourself. When you realize there’s POWER in making yourself happy, no one, and certainly no holiday, can ever make you feel alone again. Got it? Ok, good! 🙂 Let’s hop into this shall we?
I felt like this post wouldn’t be a “fair post” had I not done some research. So I decided to survey 7 women from 3 ethnic backgrounds and 3 different locations. With that being said, let me issue this disclaimer: WHAT YOU READ AFTER THIS POINT ARE THE PERCEPTIONS OF WOMEN WITH THE INTENT TO HELP GUIDE MEN WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN. That means, men who actually CARE and WANT to make a change in their dating demeanors. Moving on, I asked these ladies to explain to me in their own words, “What makes the perfect date?” Surprisingly, most of the answers I got were the same! I guess it’s safe to say that I stand in agreement with these ladies so I’ll add my own 2 cents in here and there as well.
Here’s the part where you guys may want to break out the ‘NOTES’ app in your phone. ‘Cause I’m ’bout to drop gems on y’all that may carry you a long way if you play your cards right. You ready?
So aside from the obvious things like NOT BEING A LIAR, NOT BEING A CHEATER, NOT BEING A USER, these are some things us ladies want in a date and mate:
BE FUNNY. WE LIKE TO LAUGH. Speaking for myself, there’s probably no quicker way to connect with me. Speaking for everyone collectively, it’s definitely a quick way for you to get bragged on to our friends the MOMENT we get in the car after the date is over. Now, there’s no reason to have a whole stand up comedy act planned, but no one wants to go on a date and talk about stiff and boring things. From experience, I’ve dated guys who oddly found discussing work as making good conversation. It’s ok to touch on the subject here and there but for me, that’s the quickest way to put me to sleep. I feel like my everyday life is boring enough, I don’t need my love life to match that. Lol. So let’s skip the talk about how you only take sandwiches to work because the microwave in the break room doesn’t work. I’m severely NOT interested.
Amongst the word ‘funny’, there were several mentions of wanting a guy to be ‘chill’ and ‘easy-going’. So let’s just say we want to date guys who aren’t uptight. I know for a fact that we appreciate men who are pretty confident in themselves—not to be confused with arrogance.
ALRIGHT Y’ALL…ARE YOU LISTENING? FELLAS (and ladies), if you take none of my game away, take this diamond right here. BE CONSIDERATE AND TAKE SOME INITIATIVE! Say it with me, I-NI-TIA-TIVE! Do you know how fast a woman will perceive you as worthy of her time if you put some thought and effort into the way you plan or carry out a date? Ladies, guys could really appreciate a woman who puts some thought into him as well. I mean, this is not hard. Personally, I thrive off effort. When I see someone going out of their way or at least making strides in their own way, I’m automatically blown. Now does that take my focus off everything else I need to look for? No. But does the one who goes the extra mile to separate himself from the other guys I may be entertaining, YES. At that point, he IS winning. BE THAT GUY.
Lastly, and I saved this for last on purpose, BE GENUINE. Be genuine in asking your boo out on this date. Even they decided to shoot their shot first, be genuine in your saying “yes” to the date. DO NOT DATE ANYONE FOR SUPERFICIAL OR RIDICULOUS REASONS. Sooner or later, it’s gonna show. And it won’t be flattering. It won’t feel good, either. No one wants to waste time on someone who really doesn’t have the same goals as they do. If she’s looking for boyfriend material and you KNOW you don’t want that, don’t waste her time. If she wants a cuddle buddy and you’re looking for a girl to call your own, DON’T GO ON THE DATE. This saves hurt feelings, misconceptions, and it also saves time when everyone is true to what they’re looking for and act upon it as such. Mmmk?
So, have you picked up on anything outside of what you read about “THE PERFECT DATE”? Did you realize that there was not one mention of flowers, gifts, candy, setting, etc? Well, I’m not going to lie and say that no one mentioned their preferences on where to go and what to do. But everyone is different, so that’s to be learned case-by-case. I felt like the QUALITIES were more important to mention because when you have DATEABLE QUALITIES it really doesn’t matter WHERE you are or WHAT you do! Remember: the people on the date make the date! All the added things are nice to have but what good is receiving flowers and eating a nice restaurant if your date is trash? Places are just places, things are just things, but the ultimate goal is to enjoy each other!
I’ve been waiting to get to this section. Let’s discuss what’s NOT ACCEPTABLE in dating in 2018. Once again, let me give a disclaimer:
THIS SECTION DERIVES FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. THEY ARE ONLY MEANT TO BE FELT BY THOSE WHO ACTUALLY CARE. IF YOU DON’T, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. AND IF YOU DON’T CARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE ON A DATE TO BEGIN WITH. 🙂 Ok, back to scheduled programming.
The following actions are frowned upon in 2018’s dating scene:
Texting other’s while in the presence of your date— bound to get you left wherever you are. (ONE EXCEPTION: (RUN-ON SCENARIO) you need your friend to bail you out because you’re not having a good time so you’re texting them and telling them to call you so you can loud talk a made up situation hoping they hear you so that it grants you an exit before you get ready to tell a lie and leave…. I understand.)
HEAVILY using social media or just being on your phone PERIOD in your date’s presence. THAT’S RUDE AF and you should know better.
Talking about sex UNLESS you’re in a space where you know both parties are comfortable with this. Some people see this as a real turn off.
BRINGING FRIENDS UNLESS IT WAS DISCUSSED BEFORE HAND. I still can’t believe people actually do this. SMH.
HAVING NO PERSONALITY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED STONE WHO JUST SITS THERE. Practice on yourself first if you must but it’s simply not fair to put anyone through torture and eventually have your date resort to the exception stated in number 1.
HAVING NO MONEY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED SPONGE EXPECTING SOMEONE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING (unless previously discussed). DON’T TRY IT, MILLENNIALS ARE RUTHLESS, they WILL hurt your feelings.
So what IS acceptable? In my opinion, just coming correct and GIVING A DAMN is acceptable. JUST GIVE A DAMN. Millennials are NOTORIOUS for showing and letting the world know how they don’t give a damn but a date is not the appropriate timing to do so. If you’re being genuine like we discussed earlier, none of these things should apply to you anyway.
Okay, let’s just say that one date turns into 2, and 2 into 3. Or maybe after just one date, the subject comes up. When is it appropriate to “NETFLIX-n-CHILL”?
Long story short, Netflix-n-chill is a simplified, slang phrase for “come over, let’s pretend to watch a movie, then have sex” . Brought to you by my fellow, not-so-endearing, and not-so-sweet millennials (severe eye roll). BUT, here is where it gets complicated, some people actually DO want to just watch a movie and chill. And because we’ve all been bamboozled by an individual or 2 who wanted the exact opposite, it makes the decision to spend intimate time in one’s home more difficult than what it once was.
In my opinion, when I’m invited over to watch a movie, my antennas go up. The first thing I do is assess the person I’m dating or “talking to” (another severe eye roll for that phrase ‘talking to’ ugh). I start asking myself questions like, “Does this person talk about sex too often for my liking?” “Does this guy show what I feel like could be a GENUINE interest in me?” “Has he offered any of his time outside of a room with no one else in it but us?” “Does he respect me?” “Has he shown me any inclination that he may take things further than what I would want?” And even though the answers to these questions could still land you in a place you don’t want to be, because people are hella good at acting when dating is involved, I feel that’s when your intuition should kick in. Do what your gut tells you. Most times, it’s not wrong. If you’re more comfortable dating out in public only, do that. If you’re ready to test the waters, go. If you’re caught in the middle, maybe you should take some more time getting to know this person. I get it, sex is like texting, EVERYONE IS DOING IT. BUT, some people are still very selective and some treat it as what it’s supposed to be anyway, sacred.
No one can say when it’s the right time to Netflix-n-Chill except you. You are dating the person and you also know yourself. Just consider these two people when deciding and you should get your answer. K?
That about wraps this VEE-day special! I hope this post made you laugh a little and I hope it was informative as well. May it bless your life of dating randoms so well that you end up with a CONSTANT. 🙂 Enjoy the rest of your VEE-Day and don’t get into too much trouble! *wink wink* I had the most fun writing this post. I hope y’all enjoyed it! Come back Friday for another WEEKLY post! Once again, and again, thank you for your support! I’ll be speaking with y’all SOON!
3 months may not seem like a very long time but when you’re REAL LIFE “adulting” out here in these streets, 3 months can feel like 3 YEARS. November 9, 2017, that was exactly 3 months ago in which my life started to change, for the better. No, there’s not significance in that date, except it’s exactly 3 months ago. I just know it was the beginning of the END of an era that I’m not EVER going to miss. I’ve closed SEVERAL chapters in my life since then and in retrospect—there were no better choices I could make.
I’m not here to take up too much of your time today. So let me drop these 3 hot and harsh truths that life has curve balled me with:
NO ONE WILL SUPPORT YOU, UNLESS YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF.
Actually growing a nerve big enough to start a brand, cultivate a website, place myself in the spotlight to one day become a public influencer—-that took much longer than what some may think. As I’ve mentioned a few times before, Being VeeKay was birthed in 2015 but it took it a while to come to light. I knew what I wanted but I felt like no one cared or would understand. My best friend saw all this within me before it ever came into fruition. I slept on myself for so long it was second nature. He constantly reminded me of my snooze pattern and that I needed to make a move. Whenever we discussed our ‘future plans’, he made it his business to let me know that I was basically wasting time. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, I really just didn’t believe in myself like I knew I should. In turn, that made me feel like no one else did. Well, when I finally had my moment of awakening, I realized that the whole time I was missing a key component, FAITH. With each day, as I get busier with placing more and more focus into my brand, I finally understand that while I was waiting on someone to cheer me on, I should’ve been doing that for myself all the while. So now that I’m finally out of the sunken place, I still have moments where I feel a lack of support. However, I’m learning not to read too much into that for several reasons. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter anyway. Because I support ME! I recite mantras everyday to keep a reassuring voice in my mind. I make sure to stay spiritually inclined. I follow positive accounts on all of my social media handles; that’s to keep me up and feeling great about myself! So here’s the harsh truth: NO ONE CAN TRULY SUPPORT YOU IF YOU DON’T SUPPORT YOURSELF. No one can hold you up if you don’t try to stand on your own. Yes, people will be there to boost your morale but you must have an ESTABLISHED confidence in who you are and what you do. I mean really. A fan needs good reason to support you. Beyonce did not gather a BEYhive because she stood still. People are attracted to confidence. So a little advice to whoever may need it, BE PROACTIVE IN BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. Build a confidence bank by depositing into yourself ev-e-ry-day!
2. NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
As I pinch the space between my eyes while contemplating this, I’m nothing short of disappointed in myself for taking this long to truly grasp this. I found myself in a few situations here lately where I found myself apologizing when I truly felt I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was all to keep peace. Was the peace kept? Nah. Not really. As an adult, I absolutely have no issues with owning my own shit. NO PROBLEMS with that. However, in my experience, most adults DO have an issue with that. I’ve never understood why people choose their egos over being practical in fixing a conflict. I’m not sure if pride is the culprit or if some people really are in that dire of a need to be seen as a non-conforming, straight up-n-down, I don’t care one way or the other individual. People like that, in my opinion, probably shouldn’t have too many interactions with anyone. Anyway, I said all that to say that I’m never apologizing or feeling bad for others’ who are Ray Charles to their own bad choices or behaviors ever again. I’m not a psychologist, I’ll never try to pretend to be or become one. What I do know is that most grown-ups are only children in adult bodies — including myself. The difference between others and myself, though, is that I would rather choose to be the child of peace. Something like a lil’ Hey Arnold. But I’m also no fool. So moving on!
3. NO ONE CARES.
I didn’t mean to sound so grouchy lol. But this is one of those hard, adult lessons everyone learns sooner or later. Yes, there are a select few in your lifetime who will care about you and your livelihood. However, there’s more people who won’t. Now, I grasped this by observing and living through the bs that’s gone down in a former place of employment. Y’all, I’m not the first it’s happened to, but it happens all the time, too much of the time. BUDGET CUTS, LAYOFFS, POOR TREATMENT IN THE WORKPLACE…These are just examples of how a person can quickly become a pawn; a pawn in someone else’s game. Look at the judicial system. It’s horrible. Several scenarios come to mind when thinking of how this world DOESN’T care about one another as much as it should. (BIG SIGH)
(BIG ASS SIGH)
That’s another post for another day. And even though we live in a world where people would rather not care for other people, spread love anyway. If more people practiced the medicine of love, there wouldn’t be so much evil poisoning and killing off souls!
Hopefully you all got something from my harsh realizations. May not be so shocking or harsh to some of you but that was definitely the experience for your girl. SO! LIKE, SHARE, AND PLEASE COMMENT. TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKED, HATED, OR SOME OF YOUR OWN HARSH TRUTHS IN THE PAST 3 MONTHS OR 3 YEARS IF YOU’D LIKE 🙂 Come back on Vee-Day, I mean Valentine’s day, for a special treat! Thanks for reading!
Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”. As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.
Here are some of her accomplishments:
12 Billboard Music Awards
12 American Music Awards
8 People’s Choice Awards
Icon Award (2013)
Fashion Icon Award (2014)
Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)
Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)
Over 10 million albums sold in the US
Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million
the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold
3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY
Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna
Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on.
After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me. Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.
I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:
TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.
“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”
Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me. I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how I would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.
In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…
TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.
“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.”
“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”
“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”
A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.
Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..
LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
“I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”
Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.
Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…
TO GO HARD.
That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.
FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY. That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day. Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.
Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…
COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.
You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.
Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether we were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!
Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”
I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.
Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,