Boo’d Up: Why Love Brings Out Both the Best and Worst in Women

While this post is simply just a “touch-and-agree” piece for us ladies, it’s more of an informational for the guys. Don’t worry ladies, I won’t give away too much free game, but I believe this post will benefit both men and women respectively.

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If you’ve been anywhere near a radio these last 7-8 months I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the cute but not-too-cute-for-a-guy-not-to-bop-to R&B single “Boo’d Up” by Ella Mai. The song’s melody is so comfortable that it provides that same feeling you get while listening to the best of old school R&B music. Though it’s nature is captivating in a “feel-good” sense, the lyrics are highly transparent and easily identifiable as a woman who has fallen in love in today’s time.

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If you listen closely, Ella’s actually painting a picture of a woman’s point of view while in love. While women experience some of the best feelings while attached to another soul, we also experience some of the very worst. This is where everything gets confusing: those negative feelings normally have NOTHING to do with the actual actions of her man/partner, but the lack of knowing or understanding how most women are ‘wired’.

Let’s start the discussion by analyzing the lyrics, shall we?

Boo’d Up: Why Love Brings Out Both the Best and Worst in Women:

Feelings, so deep in my feelings
No, this ain’t really like me
Can’t control my anxiety
Feeling, like I’m touching the ceiling
When I’m with you I can’t breathe
Boy, you do something to me
Ooh, now I’ll never get over you until I find something new
That get me high like you do, yeah yeah
Ooh, now I’ll never get over you until I find something new
That get me high like you do, yeah yeah
Yes, The first 4 lines are ALL TRUTH when a woman finds herself in love, darling. Facts or Nah?
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The Best: When we’re deep in our feelings, usually everyone wins. There are no limits to what a woman would do for those that she loves. Not only that, it provides us with a sense of accomplishment and worth (in a sense). Though the modern day woman is completely viable in independency, there’s no woman alive who denies that the feeling of being wanted is unmatched.
The Worst: Relationship anxiety is definitely a ‘thing’ and it’s a quick, not-so-silent killer of a relationship as well. Let’s be honest, the way that dating is set up, women are not in favor here. THAT’S A FACT. Several facts support that statement but I simply do not have the time to dive into them. Just know that most women spend a considerable amount of time as “damaged goods” due to past relationships. When anxiety begins to present itself, the possibility of causes are endless, but I’m willing to bet there are 2 reasons that may be a bit more popular. One, she sees a pattern or her relationship problems starting to repeat themselves. That alone gives us reason to panic. We want things to be right this time and cannot bear the thought of going through yet another saga like we experienced with Tony 2 years ago. By this time, the new man is getting annoyed and starts to pull back which brings out anxiety cause #2, fear of him losing interest. Both of these cause us women to come off kinda strong but because men don’t readily understand, don’t have the patience to, or a bit of both, the fall back game begins.
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And NO, we WILL NOT GET OVER YOU UNTIL WE FIND SOMETHING NEW! Being in love is something women are REALLY GOOD AT. It’s also something that women crave. Blame our nature! I’m inclined to believe that God gave women two hearts: one to beat for everyone else and another one for everyone else. And yes, you read that correctly, most of us are nurturing and selfless individuals by default. Considering this, when a woman loses a love, it’s like losing a piece of herself (not that this piece isn’t repairable ya’ understand). Love is something we invest a lot of time and energy into. Speaking for myself, I’m very intense and passionate in my affairs *ahem* so I often put as much thought into my romantic life as I do my work life. Maybe the fact that I’m a capricorn doesn’t help that much but hey that’s what I’m working with.  Anywho, the feeling of being unemployed can somehow be equated to that of a woman’s broken heart. Just as a man loses his sense of purpose as he can’t financially provide when unemployed, a woman loses her sense of purpose to another human being that she once placed a large amount of emotional value into. That’s really tough, man! That’s why we go out searching for something to keep our minds off it by indulging in daring, new hair-dos, clubs we normally wouldn’t step foot in, and any other off-the-wall act of trying to redeem our esteem! Sometimes the rebellion doesn’t stop there, it can even include dating a new guy well before time of healthy emotional repair…..*cough*
See?! Boo’d up is the perfect resource to analyze and open up the conversation of both the good and bad elements that flow from a woman’s love space. (Hope that didn’t sound too vulgar!)
Be sure to Look out for Verse 2 (pt.2)!
So what do yall think? Am I off to a good start? Do you think this could be used to help our guys at all? Facts or nah? Did I miss anything?
LET ME KNOW!!!!
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Love,
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3 Ways To Overcome a Moment of Anxiety

As a chronic sufferer of anxiety, many symptoms have come and gone while some remain annoyingly constant. While anxiety is totally manageable, it does take some time to learn just how to do so.

There are times in which I can literally feel my anxiety rising to higher levels. During those moments, I usually visualize a mental thermometer of some sort, starting from the bottom and quickly rising to the red-marked top.

When you find yourself constantly bumping heads with anxiety spells, this is when you should begin taking inventory of factors that may aid in your triggers like:

  • Your environment
  • The type of people who you may be conversing with or around
  • Work you may be doing
  • Food you’re eating or have eaten (although this is internal, you have a choice in keeping the wrong foods EXTERNAL!)
  • Conflict of some sort

These are important to take in account for because recognizing your external sources gives you a better understanding of how to fix the internal problem: the anxiety.

As I began to understand the monster in anxiety that I was dealing with, I began to learn where it most often stems from. I found that I experience more anxiety symptoms when engaging with other people i.e. family members, people associated with work, and romantic interests. While this is kind of embarrassing to share, I want to be honest and show just how easy it is to be plagued by this disorder. YOU MUST BE FULLY AWARE OF HOW YOU CONDUCT YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE IF YOU WANT TO CONTROL IT. It is your everyday routines that hold the key to managing this devil.

There’s nothing fun about going through this but I’m excited to share good news with you, it can be controlled! I have 3 tips to share with you that have helped me overcome a moment of anxiety. Please do not misunderstand my tips for proven methods that will work for everyone. These things DO work for me and I’m sure they may help others but please do not fail to seek medical attention or other sources for remedies that may be more beneficial for you.

So here we go, 3 Ways to Overcome a Moment of Anxiety:

1. BREATHE DEEPLY. Several times if you must. Deep breathing regulates your heart beat and relaxes your muscles and relaxed muscles mean a more at-ease, YOU. Research has shown that deep breathing exercises contribute to better functioning bodily processes that aid in reducing anxiety. While there are many deep breathing methods that could help, I’ve stuck to the age old ‘inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth’ and it works just fine for me. I can usually feel the difference in my body right away. Go ahead, try it! Inhale through your nose allowing your lower, then upper lungs to fill, hold it for 3 seconds, then release through your mouth, keeping your jaws in a relaxed state. Ready? Inhale. . . . . HOLD IT! (count to three) Exhale. . . . . Do it a few times and see how much better you feel!

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2. FOCUS ON ONE POSITIVE THOUGHT & RECITE IT ALOUD OR MENTALLYThinking of something other than what’s upsetting you is a great way to decrease the discomfort of an attack. The last thing you should do is obsess over whatever factor that led you to this moment in the first place. Whenever I’m in the midst of an attack, I think of something that counter attacks my situation at hand. If my computer just crashed in the middle of this article knowing I hadn’t saved a single word, I am not going to keep reminding myself that I may never regain this information. Instead, I am going to concentrate on a positive possibility like “This is no big deal. If I can write an article about this once, I can write about it twice.” You see how I took a negative situation and made it more comfortable to deal with simply by changing my perspective? Recite your positive thought out loud or let it resound repetitively in your mind until you feel as if you’re more in control of your conflict and can handle it in a healthy manner. Insert positive thoughts here->>>>

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3. REMAIN CALM. While this seems simple, it’s something we often forget to do when dealing with a highly stressful moment. You’ve already gotten worked up by your situation so treating it with a temper or paranoia is simply not going to help. While you’re grounding yourself, remember to stay calm. Do not allow yourself to experience negative emotions over and over again, it will only make matters worse. At this point, centering yourself in a calm demeanor is the best way to go!

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While these tips are all beneficial in a moment of anxiety, please be mindful of your health condition and seek medical attention if you feel that self-conducted tools are just not enough. YOUR HEALTH IS A PRIORITY AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PLACE YOURSELF FIRST!

If you need, I’ve given great advice on how to self-prioritize and place yourself first. Get the full scoop HERE.

Also, don’t forget to sign up for my mailing list so you can download your first free resource and it’s ALL ABOUT YOU!

Take Care of Yourselves!

Love Always,

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