Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all 🙂
Whether you’re cuddling up next to your bae or doing everything in your power to forget that you may not have one, don’t trip, I GOT YOU!
Before I drop the deets (details), I want to encourage everyone to love themselves IMMENSELY regardless of what day it is. And since Valentine’s happens to be the day that society has proclaimed as ‘the day of love’, I challenge everyone reading this to DARE to love yourselves by doing something extra dope for YOU. If you don’t have someone to make you smile and vice versa, you always have yourself. When you realize there’s POWER in making yourself happy, no one, and certainly no holiday, can ever make you feel alone again. Got it? Ok, good! 🙂 Let’s hop into this shall we?
I felt like this post wouldn’t be a “fair post” had I not done some research. So I decided to survey 7 women from 3 ethnic backgrounds and 3 different locations. With that being said, let me issue this disclaimer: WHAT YOU READ AFTER THIS POINT ARE THE PERCEPTIONS OF WOMEN WITH THE INTENT TO HELP GUIDE MEN WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN. That means, men who actually CARE and WANT to make a change in their dating demeanors. Moving on, I asked these ladies to explain to me in their own words, “What makes the perfect date?” Surprisingly, most of the answers I got were the same! I guess it’s safe to say that I stand in agreement with these ladies so I’ll add my own 2 cents in here and there as well.
Here’s the part where you guys may want to break out the ‘NOTES’ app in your phone. ‘Cause I’m ’bout to drop gems on y’all that may carry you a long way if you play your cards right. You ready?
So aside from the obvious things like NOT BEING A LIAR, NOT BEING A CHEATER, NOT BEING A USER, these are some things us ladies want in a date and mate:
BE FUNNY. WE LIKE TO LAUGH. Speaking for myself, there’s probably no quicker way to connect with me. Speaking for everyone collectively, it’s definitely a quick way for you to get bragged on to our friends the MOMENT we get in the car after the date is over. Now, there’s no reason to have a whole stand up comedy act planned, but no one wants to go on a date and talk about stiff and boring things. From experience, I’ve dated guys who oddly found discussing work as making good conversation. It’s ok to touch on the subject here and there but for me, that’s the quickest way to put me to sleep. I feel like my everyday life is boring enough, I don’t need my love life to match that. Lol. So let’s skip the talk about how you only take sandwiches to work because the microwave in the break room doesn’t work. I’m severely NOT interested.
Amongst the word ‘funny’, there were several mentions of wanting a guy to be ‘chill’ and ‘easy-going’. So let’s just say we want to date guys who aren’t uptight. I know for a fact that we appreciate men who are pretty confident in themselves—not to be confused with arrogance.
ALRIGHT Y’ALL…ARE YOU LISTENING? FELLAS (and ladies), if you take none of my game away, take this diamond right here. BE CONSIDERATE AND TAKE SOME INITIATIVE! Say it with me, I-NI-TIA-TIVE! Do you know how fast a woman will perceive you as worthy of her time if you put some thought and effort into the way you plan or carry out a date? Ladies, guys could really appreciate a woman who puts some thought into him as well. I mean, this is not hard. Personally, I thrive off effort. When I see someone going out of their way or at least making strides in their own way, I’m automatically blown. Now does that take my focus off everything else I need to look for? No. But does the one who goes the extra mile to separate himself from the other guys I may be entertaining, YES. At that point, he IS winning. BE THAT GUY.
Lastly, and I saved this for last on purpose, BE GENUINE. Be genuine in asking your boo out on this date. Even they decided to shoot their shot first, be genuine in your saying “yes” to the date. DO NOT DATE ANYONE FOR SUPERFICIAL OR RIDICULOUS REASONS. Sooner or later, it’s gonna show. And it won’t be flattering. It won’t feel good, either. No one wants to waste time on someone who really doesn’t have the same goals as they do. If she’s looking for boyfriend material and you KNOW you don’t want that, don’t waste her time. If she wants a cuddle buddy and you’re looking for a girl to call your own, DON’T GO ON THE DATE. This saves hurt feelings, misconceptions, and it also saves time when everyone is true to what they’re looking for and act upon it as such. Mmmk?
So, have you picked up on anything outside of what you read about “THE PERFECT DATE”? Did you realize that there was not one mention of flowers, gifts, candy, setting, etc? Well, I’m not going to lie and say that no one mentioned their preferences on where to go and what to do. But everyone is different, so that’s to be learned case-by-case. I felt like the QUALITIES were more important to mention because when you have DATEABLE QUALITIES it really doesn’t matter WHERE you are or WHAT you do! Remember: the people on the date make the date! All the added things are nice to have but what good is receiving flowers and eating a nice restaurant if your date is trash? Places are just places, things are just things, but the ultimate goal is to enjoy each other!
I’ve been waiting to get to this section. Let’s discuss what’s NOT ACCEPTABLE in dating in 2018. Once again, let me give a disclaimer:
THIS SECTION DERIVES FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. THEY ARE ONLY MEANT TO BE FELT BY THOSE WHO ACTUALLY CARE. IF YOU DON’T, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. AND IF YOU DON’T CARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE ON A DATE TO BEGIN WITH. 🙂 Ok, back to scheduled programming.
The following actions are frowned upon in 2018’s dating scene:
- Texting other’s while in the presence of your date— bound to get you left wherever you are. (ONE EXCEPTION: (RUN-ON SCENARIO) you need your friend to bail you out because you’re not having a good time so you’re texting them and telling them to call you so you can loud talk a made up situation hoping they hear you so that it grants you an exit before you get ready to tell a lie and leave…. I understand.)
- HEAVILY using social media or just being on your phone PERIOD in your date’s presence. THAT’S RUDE AF and you should know better.
- Talking about sex UNLESS you’re in a space where you know both parties are comfortable with this. Some people see this as a real turn off.
- BRINGING FRIENDS UNLESS IT WAS DISCUSSED BEFORE HAND. I still can’t believe people actually do this. SMH.
- HAVING NO PERSONALITY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED STONE WHO JUST SITS THERE. Practice on yourself first if you must but it’s simply not fair to put anyone through torture and eventually have your date resort to the exception stated in number 1.
- HAVING NO MONEY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED SPONGE EXPECTING SOMEONE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING (unless previously discussed). DON’T TRY IT, MILLENNIALS ARE RUTHLESS, they WILL hurt your feelings.
So what IS acceptable? In my opinion, just coming correct and GIVING A DAMN is acceptable. JUST GIVE A DAMN. Millennials are NOTORIOUS for showing and letting the world know how they don’t give a damn but a date is not the appropriate timing to do so. If you’re being genuine like we discussed earlier, none of these things should apply to you anyway.
Okay, let’s just say that one date turns into 2, and 2 into 3. Or maybe after just one date, the subject comes up. When is it appropriate to “NETFLIX-n-CHILL”?
Long story short, Netflix-n-chill is a simplified, slang phrase for “come over, let’s pretend to watch a movie, then have sex” . Brought to you by my fellow, not-so-endearing, and not-so-sweet millennials (severe eye roll). BUT, here is where it gets complicated, some people actually DO want to just watch a movie and chill. And because we’ve all been bamboozled by an individual or 2 who wanted the exact opposite, it makes the decision to spend intimate time in one’s home more difficult than what it once was.
In my opinion, when I’m invited over to watch a movie, my antennas go up. The first thing I do is assess the person I’m dating or “talking to” (another severe eye roll for that phrase ‘talking to’ ugh). I start asking myself questions like, “Does this person talk about sex too often for my liking?” “Does this guy show what I feel like could be a GENUINE interest in me?” “Has he offered any of his time outside of a room with no one else in it but us?” “Does he respect me?” “Has he shown me any inclination that he may take things further than what I would want?” And even though the answers to these questions could still land you in a place you don’t want to be, because people are hella good at acting when dating is involved, I feel that’s when your intuition should kick in. Do what your gut tells you. Most times, it’s not wrong. If you’re more comfortable dating out in public only, do that. If you’re ready to test the waters, go. If you’re caught in the middle, maybe you should take some more time getting to know this person. I get it, sex is like texting, EVERYONE IS DOING IT. BUT, some people are still very selective and some treat it as what it’s supposed to be anyway, sacred.
No one can say when it’s the right time to Netflix-n-Chill except you. You are dating the person and you also know yourself. Just consider these two people when deciding and you should get your answer. K?
That about wraps this VEE-day special! I hope this post made you laugh a little and I hope it was informative as well. May it bless your life of dating randoms so well that you end up with a CONSTANT. 🙂 Enjoy the rest of your VEE-Day and don’t get into too much trouble! *wink wink* I had the most fun writing this post. I hope y’all enjoyed it! Come back Friday for another WEEKLY post! Once again, and again, thank you for your support! I’ll be speaking with y’all SOON!