5 Guilty Pleasures Women Shouldn’t Feel Bad About

I think I can speak for all women when I say that some things are just better in abundance. Some of those things may be looked down upon but guess what? They make us feel good! I’ve compiled a list of things that women love but get a LOT of heat about. ESPECIALLY from our male counterparts *rolls eyes*. As a millennial woman, I know first-hand how stressful life can be. That is why we need our little trinkets-of-happiness to keep us going! These harmless things help us get by from day -to-day so that we can continue to perform our magic, amazingness in our careers, homes, and communities. Check out 5 things women should feel NO KINDA WAY about having/doing/using:

  1. BINGE WATCHING TV (& reality shows). Yes. We love to binge watch our shows when time permits. I mean why not? We spend SO much time concentrating on our lives and everyone we take care of that we deserve to set aside some time to senselessly watch senseless tv!  Everyone deserves a mental break right? Reality t.v. may not be the first choice in most households due to their brazen nature. They’re often looked down upon because of the massive drama they capture. America often perceives it even more negatively due to the way it depicts women, and in my community, women of color. Although it has several cons, reality shows serve women a bunch of pros! Optimistically, reality tv is so full of drama that it provides a good escape from your OWN drama! Do we like the fact that today’s entertainment stems from someone else’s life which is so full of unpleasantries that they compile a stream of edited moments to astound millions of viewers and profit millions a year on their most private moments ? I’m gonna say no. But do we enjoy watching those unpleasantries just for a good laugh or an escape from our own drama? Yes! A thousand times, yes.img_5155
  2. LEGGINGS & TIGHTS. “Oh comfort! Ohh comfort! Ohhhh…COMFORT!” What you just read is an accurate representation of how our butts, hips, and thighs appreciate these cotton, spandex, poly blend, ‘whatever they’re made of’ garments. Guys tend to roast and rag on us for wearing these with literally everything. I mean, if we can dress those leggings for whatever occasion we need them for, then WHY NOT WEAR THEM?! What guys fail to admit, though, they appreciate the visuals just as much as we appreciate the comfort. We deal with enough discomfort on a daily basis if I must say so myself. Bras, heels, sexy-but-sometimes-problematic lingerie, and the list only continues with more annoying pieces we wear to appease men and simply look-to-feel good. So when we find a beautiful solution such as this one, one that gives us the luxury of both looking and feeling like we’re living our best lives, we’re taking it! Joke on us all you want guys but we are ALL WonderWomen in our comfy af tights bro. 
  3. HOT ASS WATER LOL. Lately I’ve been noticing a growing trend in online jokes/memes about how hot we like our water. Listen, all I can say is, “The hotter the better!” We know how to get TINGS clean! ‘Tings’ being clothes, dishes, body parts, etc. Lol. I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s so funny how guys can’t handle our hot ass water. Really quick funny story. The water at my apartment gets super hot dangerously fast. Me being the AMAZING girlfriend I can be, I would sometimes run the water for my ex’s shower after work or after a nap (so he was always tired when I did this lmao). Anyway, he would react like a little girl every time he stepped inside! That last time he got so pissed with me that I couldn’t do anything but rear my head back really far and BURST OUT IN LAUGHTER! He was such a fairy! Moving on,  literally..
  4. MAKE-UP. YES! WE LIKE TO *BEAT* OUR FACES! SO WHAT! Although I believe makeup should be perceived only as a tool to enhance beauty and not as a device to create it, I love the stuff.  I don’t see a thing wrong with wearing make-up because I’m pro-choice and I believe if choosing to wear makeup makes you happy, go for it! I know I do! It gives me a glamorous glow on top of my glamorous glow! That’s what I like about it! Although I’m pro makeup, I can understand the adverse conception of wearing makeup. Most times, people express their dislike for makeup to declare that as an active standard in those they are willing to date. In other words, they’re not attracted to women who wear makeup. I can’t judge them too badly for this. Just think about it. It’s hard to date someone who may feel as if without their makeup, they’re not beautiful. Normally, either they don’t point this out about themselves or they don’t even recognize it.  Either way, the insecurities seep out in a number of ways that the person of interest can’t help but to see it unfold. Not to mention, never truly getting to know what they look like. It’s difficult to see anyone that broken by their own beliefs of beauty. I pray that’s not you but if it is I have infinite hope that one day you’ll see that makeup can’t fix what God already put his paintbrush on! Makeup is just like a pair of earrings, a handbag, a bracelet, IT’S AN ACCESSORY ONLY! YOU are the face of beauty, already. One time for NYX, MAC, MORPHE, URBAN DECAY, COLOUR POP, MAKE-UP FOREVER, SEPHORA, FENTY BEAUTY, etc! We don’t feel an ounce of guilt about it. Gorgeous women like to dabble in pretty things, but smart women know we don’t need to dabble in pretty things to be gorgeous!
  5. ONLINE SHOPPING. Like most women, I SWEAR by online shopping. I once saw a meme that compared online shopping for women to men playing those gaming consoles lol. I totally agree! Online shopping is not only therapeutic, but it’s easy and breezy and we can do it in our pjs and we ain’t gotta leave home and it’s just so convenient for all the right reasons! This may be my BIGGEST guilty pleasure and I’ll never give it up because I hate everything about mall and store shopping! All it takes is a search bar and a click of a button and I’m all set 🙂  I wear my Amazon Prime membership PROUDLY.  I’ve ordered things I could’ve simply gone to the store for but why? I have FREE 2-DAY SHIPPING. Sometimes even same day I think. Can’t beat that.  And when it comes to shopping for clothes, unlike the mall, the internet never lets me down. So do I feel bad that I prefer to shop using the click of a button? Nope! I’m Judy Jetson! Why should I?

Ladies, I hope I nailed these guilty pleasures for y’all! There were some I failed to mention but I wanted to keep the list short to give you all the opportunity to choose the next five!!! Can you relate? Are some of these your guilty pleasures? Tell me if they are! If not, what are they? What did I miss to mention?  Let me know!

Thank you for reading! I hope this put a smile on your face and made you feel a little better if you’re not already feeling GREAT! Come back later in the week for more good content! Until next time!

kisses blow kiss GIF by Mariah Carey

#LoveVeeKay

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Make It A DATE

Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all 🙂

Whether you’re cuddling up next to your bae or doing everything in your power to forget that you may not have one, don’t trip, I GOT YOU!

Before I drop the deets (details), I want to encourage everyone to love themselves IMMENSELY regardless of what day it is. And since Valentine’s happens to be the day that society has proclaimed as ‘the day of love’, I challenge everyone reading this to DARE to love yourselves by doing something extra dope for YOU. If you don’t have someone to make you smile and vice versa, you always have yourself. When you realize there’s POWER in making yourself happy, no one, and certainly no holiday, can ever make you feel alone again. Got it? Ok, good! 🙂 Let’s hop into this shall we?

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I felt like this post wouldn’t be a “fair post” had I not done some research. So I decided to survey 7 women from 3 ethnic backgrounds and 3 different locations. With that being said, let me issue this disclaimer: WHAT YOU READ AFTER THIS POINT ARE THE PERCEPTIONS OF WOMEN WITH THE INTENT TO HELP GUIDE MEN WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN. That means, men who actually CARE and WANT to make a change in their dating demeanors. Moving on, I asked these ladies to explain to me in their own words, “What makes the perfect date?” Surprisingly, most of the answers I got were the same! I guess it’s safe to say that I stand in agreement with these ladies so I’ll add my own 2 cents in here and there as well.img_4906-1

Here’s the part where you guys may want to break out the ‘NOTES’ app in your phone. ‘Cause I’m ’bout to drop gems on y’all that may carry you a long way if you play your cards right. You ready?

So aside from the obvious things like NOT BEING A LIAR, NOT BEING A CHEATER, NOT BEING A USER, these are some things us ladies want in a date and mate:


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BE FUNNY.  WE LIKE TO LAUGH.  Speaking for myself, there’s probably no quicker way to connect with me. Speaking for everyone collectively, it’s definitely a quick way for you to get bragged on to our friends the MOMENT we get in the car after the date is over. Now, there’s no reason to have a whole stand up comedy act planned, but no one wants to go on a date and talk about stiff and boring things. From experience, I’ve dated guys who oddly found discussing work as making good conversation. It’s ok to touch on the subject here and there but for me, that’s the quickest way to put me to sleep. I feel like my everyday life is boring enough, I don’t need my love life to match that. Lol. So let’s skip the talk about how you only take sandwiches to work because the microwave in the break room doesn’t work. I’m severely NOT interested.

Amongst the word ‘funny’, there were several mentions of wanting a guy to be ‘chill’ and  ‘easy-going’. So let’s just say we want to date guys who aren’t uptight. I know for a fact that we appreciate men who are pretty confident in themselves—not to be confused with arrogance.

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ALRIGHT Y’ALL…ARE YOU LISTENING? FELLAS (and ladies), if you take none of my game away, take this diamond right here. BE CONSIDERATE AND TAKE SOME INITIATIVE! Say it with me, I-NI-TIA-TIVE! Do you know how fast a woman will perceive you as worthy of her time if you put some thought and effort into the way you plan or carry out a date? Ladies, guys could really appreciate a woman who puts some thought into him as well. I mean, this is not hard. Personally, I thrive off effort. When I see someone going out of their way or at least making strides in their own way, I’m automatically blown. Now does that take my focus off everything else I need to look for? No. But does the one who goes the extra mile to separate himself from the other guys I may be entertaining, YES. At that point, he IS winning. BE THAT GUY.

Lastly, and I saved this for last on purpose, BE GENUINE. Be genuine in asking your boo out on this date. Even they decided to shoot their shot first, be genuine in your saying “yes” to the date. DO NOT DATE ANYONE FOR SUPERFICIAL OR RIDICULOUS REASONS. Sooner or later, it’s gonna show. And it won’t be flattering. It won’t feel good, either. No one wants to waste time on someone who really doesn’t have the same goals as they do. If she’s looking for boyfriend material and you KNOW you don’t want that, don’t waste her time. If she wants a cuddle buddy and you’re looking for a girl to call your own, DON’T GO ON THE DATE. This saves hurt feelings, misconceptions, and it also saves time when everyone is true to what they’re looking for and act upon it as such. Mmmk?


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So, have you picked up on anything outside of what you read about “THE PERFECT DATE”? Did you realize that there was not one mention of flowers, gifts, candy, setting, etc? Well, I’m not going to lie and say that no one mentioned their preferences on where to go and what to do. But everyone is different, so that’s to be learned case-by-case. I felt like the QUALITIES were more important to mention because when you have DATEABLE QUALITIES it really doesn’t matter WHERE you are or WHAT you do! Remember: the people on the date make the date! All the added things are nice to have but what good is receiving flowers and eating a nice restaurant if your date is trash? Places are just places, things are just things, but the ultimate goal is to enjoy each other!

I’ve been waiting to get to this section. Let’s discuss what’s NOT ACCEPTABLE in dating in 2018. Once again, let me give a disclaimer:

THIS SECTION DERIVES FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. THEY ARE ONLY MEANT TO BE FELT BY THOSE WHO ACTUALLY CARE. IF YOU DON’T, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. AND IF YOU DON’T CARE YOU SHOULDN’T BE ON A DATE TO BEGIN WITH. 🙂 Ok, back to scheduled programming.

The following actions are frowned upon in 2018’s dating scene:

  1. Texting other’s while in the presence of your date— bound to get you left wherever you are. (ONE EXCEPTION: (RUN-ON SCENARIO)  you need your friend to bail you out because you’re not having a good time so you’re texting them and telling them to call you so you can loud talk a made up situation hoping they hear you so that it grants you an exit before you get ready to tell a lie and leave…. I understand.)
  2. HEAVILY using social media or just being on your phone PERIOD in your date’s presence. THAT’S RUDE AF and you should know better.
  3. Talking about sex UNLESS you’re in a space where you know both parties are comfortable with this. Some people see this as a real turn off.
  4. BRINGING FRIENDS UNLESS IT WAS DISCUSSED BEFORE HAND. I still can’t believe people actually do this. SMH.
  5. HAVING NO PERSONALITY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED STONE WHO JUST SITS THERE. Practice on yourself first if you must but it’s simply not fair to put anyone through torture and eventually have your date resort to the exception stated in number 1.
  6. HAVING NO MONEY. PERIOD. STAY. AT. HOME. IT IS NOT FUNNY TO DRAG SOMEONE OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A LIFE-SIZED SPONGE EXPECTING SOMEONE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING (unless previously discussed). DON’T TRY IT, MILLENNIALS ARE RUTHLESS, they WILL hurt your feelings.

 

So what IS acceptable? In my opinion, just coming correct and GIVING A DAMN is acceptable. JUST GIVE A DAMN. Millennials are NOTORIOUS for showing and letting the world know how they don’t give a damn but a date is not the appropriate timing to do so. If you’re being genuine like we discussed earlier, none of these things should apply to you anyway.

Okay, let’s just say that one date turns into 2, and 2 into 3. Or maybe after just one date, the subject comes up. When is it appropriate to “NETFLIX-n-CHILL”?

 

Long story short, Netflix-n-chill is a simplified, slang phrase for “come over, let’s pretend to watch a movie, then have sex” . Brought to you by my fellow, not-so-endearing, and not-so-sweet millennials (severe eye roll). BUT, here is where it gets complicated, some people actually DO want to just watch a movie and chill. And because we’ve all been bamboozled by an individual or 2 who wanted the exact opposite, it makes the decision to spend intimate time in one’s home more difficult than what it once was.

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In my opinion, when I’m invited over to watch a movie, my antennas go up. The first thing I do is assess the person I’m dating or “talking to” (another severe eye roll for that phrase ‘talking to’ ugh). I start asking myself questions like, “Does this person talk about sex too often for my liking?” “Does this guy show what I feel like could be a GENUINE interest in me?” “Has he offered any of his time outside of a room with no one else in it but us?” “Does he respect me?” “Has he shown me any inclination that he may take things further than what I would want?” And even though the answers to these questions could still land you in a place you don’t want to be, because people are hella good at acting when dating is involved, I feel that’s when your intuition should kick in. Do what your gut tells you. Most times, it’s not wrong. If you’re more comfortable dating out in public only, do that. If you’re ready to test the waters, go. If you’re caught in the middle, maybe you should take some more time getting to know this person. I get it, sex is like texting, EVERYONE IS DOING IT. BUT, some people are still very selective and some treat it as what it’s supposed to be anyway, sacred.

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No one can say when it’s the right time to Netflix-n-Chill except you. You are dating the person and you also know yourself. Just consider these two people when deciding and you should get your answer. K?

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That about wraps this VEE-day special! I hope this post made you laugh a little and I hope it was informative as well. May it bless your life of dating randoms so well that you end up with a CONSTANT. 🙂 Enjoy the rest of your VEE-Day and don’t get into too much trouble! *wink wink* I had the most fun writing this post. I hope y’all enjoyed it! Come back Friday for another WEEKLY post! Once again, and again, thank you for your support! I’ll be speaking with y’all SOON!

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#LoveVeeKay

3 HARSH (but necessary) Truths I’ve Learned in 3 months

3 months may not seem like a very long time but when you’re REAL LIFE “adulting” out here in these streets, 3 months can feel like 3 YEARS. November 9, 2017, that was exactly 3 months ago in which my life started to change, for the better. No, there’s not significance in that date, except it’s exactly 3 months ago. I just know it was the beginning of the END of an era that I’m not EVER going to miss. I’ve closed SEVERAL chapters in my life since then and in retrospect—there were no better choices I could make.

I’m not here to take up too much of your time today. So let me drop these 3 hot and harsh truths that life has curve balled me with:

  1. NO ONE WILL SUPPORT YOU, UNLESS YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF. 

Actually growing a nerve big enough to start a brand, cultivate a website, place myself in the spotlight to one day become a public influencer—-that took much longer than what some may think. As I’ve mentioned a few times before, Being VeeKay was birthed in 2015 but it took it a while to come to light. I knew what I wanted but I felt like no one cared or would understand. My best friend saw all this within me before it ever came into fruition. I slept on myself for so long it was second nature. He constantly reminded me of my snooze pattern and that I needed to make a move. Whenever we discussed our ‘future plans’, he made it his business to let me know that I was basically wasting time. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, I really just didn’t believe in myself like I knew I should. In turn, that made me feel like no one else did. Well, when I finally had my moment of awakening, I realized that the whole time I was missing a key component, FAITH. With each day, as I get busier with placing more and more focus into my brand, I finally understand that while I was waiting on someone to cheer me on, I should’ve been doing that for myself all the while. So now that I’m finally out of the sunken place, I still have moments where I feel a lack of support. However, I’m learning not to read too much into that for several reasons. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter anyway. Because I support ME! I recite mantras everyday to keep a reassuring voice in my mind. I make sure to stay spiritually inclined. I follow positive accounts on all of my social media handles; that’s to keep me up and feeling great about myself! So here’s the harsh truth: NO ONE CAN TRULY SUPPORT YOU IF YOU DON’T SUPPORT YOURSELF. No one can hold you up if you don’t try to stand on your own. Yes, people will be there to boost your morale but you must have an ESTABLISHED confidence in who you are and what you do. I mean really. A fan needs good reason to support you. Beyonce did not gather a BEYhive because she stood still. People are attracted to confidence.  So a little advice to whoever may need it, BE PROACTIVE IN BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. Build a confidence bank by depositing into yourself ev-e-ry-day!

2. NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. 

As I pinch the space between my eyes while contemplating this, I’m nothing short of disappointed in myself for taking this long to truly grasp this. I found myself in a few situations here lately where I found myself apologizing when I truly felt I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was all to keep peace. Was the peace kept? Nah. Not really. As an adult, I absolutely have no issues with owning my own shit. NO PROBLEMS with that. However, in my experience, most adults DO have an issue with that. I’ve never understood why people choose their egos over being practical in fixing a conflict. I’m not sure if pride is the culprit or if some people really are in that dire of a need to be seen as a non-conforming, straight up-n-down, I don’t care one way or the other individual.  People like that, in my opinion, probably shouldn’t have too many interactions with anyone. Anyway, I said all that to say that I’m never apologizing or feeling bad for others’ who are Ray Charles to their own bad choices or behaviors ever again. I’m not a psychologist, I’ll never try to pretend to be or become one. What I do know is that most grown-ups are only children in adult bodies — including myself. The difference between others and myself, though, is that I would rather choose to be the child of peace. Something like a lil’ Hey Arnold. But I’m also no fool. So moving on!

3. NO ONE CARES.

I didn’t mean to sound so grouchy lol. But this is one of those hard, adult lessons everyone learns sooner or later. Yes, there are a select few in your lifetime who will care about you and your livelihood. However, there’s more people who won’t. Now, I grasped this by observing and living through the bs that’s gone down in a former place of employment. Y’all, I’m not the first it’s happened to, but it happens all the time, too much of the time. BUDGET CUTS, LAYOFFS, POOR TREATMENT IN THE WORKPLACE…These are just examples of how a person can quickly become a pawn; a pawn in someone else’s game. Look at the judicial system. It’s horrible. Several scenarios come to mind when thinking of how this world DOESN’T  care about one another as much as it should. (BIG SIGH)

 

(BIG ASS SIGH)

 

That’s another post for another day. And even though we live in a world where people would rather not care for other people, spread love anyway. If more people practiced the medicine of love, there wouldn’t be so much evil poisoning and killing off souls!

 

Hopefully you all got something from my harsh realizations. May not be so shocking or harsh to some of you but that was definitely the experience for your girl. SO! LIKE, SHARE, AND PLEASE COMMENT. TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKED, HATED, OR SOME OF YOUR OWN HARSH TRUTHS IN THE PAST 3 MONTHS OR 3 YEARS IF YOU’D LIKE 🙂 Come back on Vee-Day, I mean Valentine’s day, for a special treat! Thanks for reading!

 

#LoveVeeKay

 

5 Things Rihanna Taught Me

ROBYN “RIHANNA” FENTY.

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Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”.  As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.

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Here are some of her accomplishments:

  • 9 Grammys
  • 12 Billboard Music Awards
  • 12 American Music Awards
  • 8 People’s Choice Awards
  • Icon Award (2013)
  • Fashion Icon Award (2014)
  • Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)
  • Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)
  • Over 10 million albums sold in the US
  • Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million
  • the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold
  • 3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY
  • Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna
  • Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on. 

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After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me.  Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.

I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:

TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me.  I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how I would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to  wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.

In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…

TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.

“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.” 

“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”

“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”

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A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.

Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..

LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

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“I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”

Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.

Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…

TO GO HARD.

That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.

FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY.  That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day.  Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.

Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…

COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.

You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.

Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether we were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!

Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”

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I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.

Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,

#LoveVeeKay.